


Smoke and Clarity

by WrathandFlame



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, POV First Person, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:36:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27602888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrathandFlame/pseuds/WrathandFlame
Summary: This is dedicated to all the fans that consider Fingon being Gil-Galad's father but also ship Russingon. This is Fingon's wife's personal experiences from and views on her marriage with Fingon and her realisation of its true meaning. Angst is as always, in such cases, expected.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Fingon's Wife, Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Smoke and Clarity

When my father brought the news to me I was ecstatic and filled with joy. I didn't think there was a single girl that didn't wish for the honor that I was about to receive. I was to be married to the crown prince after all and everyone knew how beautiful and brave prince Findekáno was. I had only caught glimpses of you during our time in Valinor, never spoken to you, and yet the day of the wedding came and I didn't feel even the slightest hint of uncertainty. The ceremony was wonderful, flowers everywhere and all the halls of Barad Eithel bathed in golden lights. But the brightest thing amidst all of that, was you. You smiled at me and held my hand and I felt special, as if I was floating and looking over the world from above. I was in love and there was no doubt about it. Later as I laid with you for the first time your touch was feather light for you didn't wish to hurt me. Everything should have felt right and yet.... it didn't. You were like a stone wall, cold and impenetrable. All I wanted was to give you pleasure but everytime I put my hands on you it was as if they didn't belong there...It mattered not. A couple of months later I gifted you with a son, our sweet little Ereinion, the son of kings. Had I known that your father would die soon after I would never have given him that name. It would have been better to avoid the irony for now you yourself were High King of the Noldor and of course I was no longer a princess, but a queen. You were the sun and the world revolved around you. Your people loved you. Still you didn't seem to care. You were constantly away, fighting, fighting, fighting and when you came back it was as if you hadn't. I never could complain, for you always stood as a model father to our little one. Our son was your ray of sunshine in this gloomy world. You would bring him gifts and play with him but most importantly you would smile and laugh with him. You never did that with me. No, with me you were like a ghost. I've lost count of how many times I tried to lure you to our bed. I craved for you but you clearly didn't crave for me. You'd stand lost in your thoughts, your mind despite our bond closed off to me, drifting far away only the gods knowing where and I waited patiently for something that wasn't meant to come, without knowing why. Some time would pass until I'd get my answer, but I did. It came with an invitation a letter from the eastern side of our borders. We had to travel a great distance through cold and harsh landscapes which made me understand why you didn't want to take little Ereinion with us. I hated it but what could I do, but my duty and follow you. That was when I met him. He was tall, a beast of a man dressed in furs and thick leather. His hair a waterfall of flames cascading down his back, his eyes a piercing silver. He was handsome but he was heavily scarred and one handed, clearly a husk of his former self. The heir of Curufinwë Fëanaro, Maedhros lord of Himring, a kinslayer. He raised a hand to you in greeting and you took it, your hand lingering in his grasp for a tad bit longer than expected. I didn't pay it much thought. It didn't bear any meaning for me. Not yet. After that he relinquished his hold on you and smiling politely, shook my hand aswell. The feast that night was trully impressive. There was music and song and dance. I was having a great time, until my eyes fell on our host. He was sitting back in his chair, which looked more like a throne and he had his sight fixed on something. I turned around to look at you and I saw you throwing fleeting glances at him, and everytime you would you'd raise your goblet to drink, but your eyes, over the rim, wouldn't leave his for a second. I had just eaten, but strangely enough it was as if I had an empty pit in my stomach. An unknown feeling was crawling all over me, so I kept looking at you both. You didn't stop looking at each other for the rest of the night, his fingers tapping on the wooden table, yours clenching and unclenching around the goblet's column. Finally as the stars begun their sacred dance upon the darkened sky we retired to our room. We didn't speak. I just lied down and closed my eyes hoping that when I'd wake up all of it would turn out to be a mere dream. I could feel you fidgeting beside me the sound of your restless breathing coming out too loud inside the silent chamber and in that moment I knew. It didn't come as a surprise to me when I felt you stirring beside me and right after heard the door of our chambers opening and closing. Why should it? I waited for you in the late hours of the night, but the space beside me would remain empty and the longer I waited the more I found my thoughts spiralling. I was confused. I couldn't understand, I didn't want to. You were mine and yet you weren't. We were bonded and yet it was his fëa that could sing with yours in tandem. Many days after our departure I'd stand before the mirror and wonder what I didn't possess that he did. Why for all his foul reputation and terrifying demeanor you still chose him over me. My mind would reach the verge of breaking, but meaninglessly, for deep inside me I knew the reason, as it was the same reason for which I never cried over your indifference, the same reason for which I spoke no words as you left my side to fall into his arms, the same reason for which I'm still here and not yet gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You may leave any comments bellow if you wish:)


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